Husbands Lose Interest in Sex: Reason

First, you’re not a freak. In one of the surveys that I took for this book, 23 percent of the female respondents stated that they had the higher sex drive. In the expert study finding that 31 percent of males suffered from decreased libido, so it’s hardly a rare problem. Here are some of the causes.

Low Libido

About five million people (in one country) suffer from low drive, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal. If your husband seems to have a low libido, try to convince him to have it checked out. A simple blood test can verify whether he does indeed have low hormone levels. Assuming nothing else is wrong (often there’s an underlying disease causing low testosterone, which would have to be treated), low testosterone on its own can be corrected with hormone replacement therapy

Weight Problems

In some cases, male low libido is simply a physical issue. And the “biggest” culprit? Fat. Fat cells produce estrogen which works against testosterone—the libido builder—in men. The more estrogen, the less desire. The expert Dr. R. Sagar who has written at length on how to cure low libido naturally says, “Nothing does more to restore male sex drive than achieving normal weight.” Beer has even been linked to erectile dysfunction. Flee from hops, and the beer gut will go away too!

Pornography

Another huge libido stealer for men is pornography. The more men are into pornography, the less they are into sex in real life. Porn trains the brain to be aroused by the image, not the relationship. If your husband is into pornography, get help. Talk to a pastor. Talk to a mentor. Porn is not harmless, and it’s not just fun.

Hard Work Load

Sometimes that addiction isn’t focused on something negative—such as alcohol or video games or porn—but on something positive, such as work. And work provides an awfully strong temptation because men tend to thrive when they feel competent. And if your husband doesn’t feel competent or involved at home, it is quite likely that he will look for other places to invest most of his energy. For many men, that place is work. They derive such satisfaction from building a business, earning money or prestige, or just working hard and accomplishing something that all of their passion, drive, and energy are devoted to work, not you.

More Friendship

Often when there is a problem in the marriage, it shows up in the bedroom. But because the symptom is in the bedroom, we often think the solution is too. So we concentrate on strategies that have to do with sex—buying lingerie, playing risqué games, using toys, watching porn, and trying new things. In reality, the solution is often found outside the bedroom. Sex embodies our spiritual, emotional, and relational selves. If your husband has a low sex drive that isn’t due to health problems or addictions, then the best solution is to work on your friendship. Spend more time together. Do something he likes even if you don’t (e.g. watching hockey games) simply so you can be together.